The crank is busy right now

I've been a little preoccupied lately but have no fear, the crank will return in full force soon.

Target

Dear Target, I love your store and merchandise but I do have a bone to pick with you. I was quite dismayed to receive a back to school catalog on a date(around July 14th or so) that was actually closer to the end of school than the beginning. I appreciate that Target is a business and does make an effort to give back to the community but why not try in a less obvious way. For instance, why not slow down and be more respectful of the community's calendar-people don't usually start their back to school shopping until a week or two before school starts, they also don't usually buy snow boots until it actually gets cold out. This constant hectoring by retail to shop for the upcoming season futher and further in advance does not lend itself to the creation of a happy community. It just makes us hyperaware of the passage of time rather than giving us the space to enjoy the moment. Thank you for your time, (the letter writing crank)

No response yet

Joann fabric

Sent via their website:
Subject: Community

My complaint is a philosophical one-please slow down your display time from season to season. I find it very depressing to go into a store in July and see a bunch of scarecrows and autumn leaves. Nor do I need to be reminded, in september, that christmas is coming. I think we all know when the holidays are and can set our own timetable to shop for them, thank you very much. I understand that you are running a business and want to maximize your profit, bla bla bla, but all things have a natural ebb and flow, even retail. Perhaps you need to accept that and just back off a teensy bit. Thank you.
The letter writing crank

response:
Thank you for contacting Joann.com

Due to our recent system upgrade, we are experiencing longer than
average email response times. Be assured that we have received your
e-mail and one of our Customer Care professionals will respond as soon
as possible.

Please do not send multiple e-mails or respond to this e-mail. If you
need immediate assistance our Customer Care department is available
Monday-Friday, 9am-6pm EST.

We appreciate your business at Joann.com and look forward to assisting
you.

Have a creative day!

Lands' End

Dear Lands' End,
I object to being harangued by your back to school catalog, which arrived about three weeks after the school year ended. Three weeks?? Please give these kids and their parents a break and let them enjoy at least half of their summer before cranking up your advertising for the artificial consumerist back to school season.
I understand that Lands' End is in the business of selling clothes but everything has its natural ebb and flow, including retail. Your attempt to subvert this natural cycle by advertising earlier has done nothing but alienate this customer.
Sincerely,
(the letter writing crank)

The response:
Dear(letter writing crank),

Thank you for your message to Lands' End regarding when our catalogs go out.

We appreciate your interest and that you took the time to write us. Your comments will be forwarded to the appropriate department.

Please feel free to contact us any time you have additional comments.

Sincerely,

(the person with the unenviable job of reading complaint mail)
Internet Customer Service

Follow Up:
Dear (customer service rep),
Would you kindly ask the person in the appropriate department to write to me and explain why the decision was made to send out the back to school catalogs so early this year? And if they intend to do the same thing next summer.
Thank you,
(the letter writing crank)

I sent this with the understanding that "forwarded to the appropriate department" is probably a euphemism for "tossed your letter in the garbage, you fruitcake"

We're legit

Any of the letters that you read here have been sent and the responses will be posted verbatim. If you share our sentiments on any issue please feel free to take, and hopefully improve upon, our letters and send them off as well. Right now our current campaign is aimed at major retailers and their hijacking of the calendar but we are open to suggestions.
Enjoy.